23 December 2007

Farewell


My little brother Tim died at 2.30 this afternoon. He lost consciousness, they called an ambulance, but he died before reaching hospital (across the road). He was 27.

I spent 2 hours with him (and Mum) yesterday, and he was fairly good then, not in too much pain and quite on the ball. I'm glad I went, even though it was hard. I was able to give him a foot massage, and say I forgave him for some (minor) things which had been magnified, distorted and preying on his mind for years, and told him I loved him.

The final indignity is that since he was in state care in a psychiatric care facility, his death is being treated as a "death in custody", and there is going to be an inquest and autopsy. I'm finding this utterly devastating. I don't understand why they can't just leave him alone. His death was expected, there were no suspicious circumstances. The police were at the hospital soon after he died, and my parents were interviewed, and all the staff who cared for him and his doctors are being interviewed...

I suppose the autopsy is to determine the exact cause of death. I guess it's standard procedure in these circumstances, but I still wish we didn't have to go through this. We don't know when his body will be released to us, so we can't plan his funeral. Probably early January. He will be buried at the Cobargo Cemetery (on the south coast), which is very close to Mum and our brother Dave (they both live within walking distance of the cemetery).

The photo is of him soon after arriving from Korea in 1985 (he was adopted when he was 5), with Mum.

Sweet dreams little brother.

30 comments:

  1. My thoughts are with you and your family. I know you were "prepared" but you never really are prepared for the loss.

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  2. I'm so sorry for your loss. Even harder at this time of year, and knowing that in so many ways his death was avoidable. Addiction is such a commanding beast; it takes few prisoners. At least his suffering - and your family's - is ended.

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  3. Indeed it is no easier knowing it was coming. We will all be thinking of you.

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  4. *hugs* You are in my thoughts.

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  5. I am sorry to hear that your brother has passed away. I know how difficult it is to lose a sibling (we lost a 40 year old brother to gastric cancer in 2001) Am sending you a big hug and keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Focus on the positive, happy memories and the good times you had with him. God Bless

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  6. The body is just a vehicle. Your brother has gotten out of his beat up old car and is flying on his own wings now. If the government needs to know why the vehicle quit working,it has nothing to do with the boy you love, and it may help them take better care of other people's brothers in the future. Hug your husband and dotter and Lilly and parents and love the ones you're with. It helps.

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  7. I'm so sorry. What a beautiful little boy. I'm thinking of you and your family. I wish I had some better words of comfort for you.
    xo

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  8. The waiting for the rites of passage is the toughest part of this process. I think once you get beyond the funeral, you can deal with the grief and sadness but all of that seems to be on hold until the ceremony. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hug your family and bask in their love.

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  9. Deepest sympathies to you and your family. Hugs to all, and good thoughts.

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  10. so sorry to hear about it. i hope his rest brings him peace. hang in there. xxx

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  11. Oh Jejune - our thoughts are with you and knowing it was inevitable makes it no easier. Hugs!

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  12. So sorry to hear this and about the officialdom that comes with it - hope you and your family, your parents especially, are doing ok and you all have a good quality christmas time together. Hugs.

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  13. My thoughts are with you and your family and I hope he - and you - can find some peace. xxx

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  14. Thankyou for writing this post - it must have been hard.

    I'm frustrated on your behalf about the inquest and the unnecessary bureaucratic burden it places on your family.

    Thinking of you.

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  15. Thinking of you and yours darling girl ... having lost a younger brother to a different [ and expected ] but totally unnecessary and avoidable death one New Year's Eve, I do know what you are going through.
    Email me if you need to vent.
    Big hugz
    s

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  16. I lost a step brother (to drugs) between Xmas and New Year some years ago. We also had to wait for the coroner etc, and they all shut down at this time of year. It makes a hard time even harder.

    I hope you don't have to wait too long. Look after your parents.

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  17. And make sure to look after yourself.

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  18. My heart goes out to you and I'm really sorry for your loss, but know that our prayers and thoughts are with you always...

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  19. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Lots of love and strength to you and your family.

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  20. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Even when you know it's coming, it's still awful when it happens. It's 3 years since my little sister died from brain cancer, and I too found the post mortem investigation distressing...
    It does start to hurt less over time, they say. I'm still grieving. Don't let anyone tell you when or how you should be "over it".

    Thinking of you and yours.

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  21. Here's a wee BIG guinea pig hug and kiss from both Wiggley and Me. Mum sends her love to you too.

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  22. Oh, I'm so sorry. You have had such a hard year - I hope 2008 is full of only good things!

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  23. What a gorgeous photograph! Happier times...

    Peace be with you and your family.

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  24. You gave your brother such a precious gift before he died. You were able to give him some peace and the assurance of love before he went.

    While you knew this was coming, I don't think that it is possible to truely prepare for death. No comment I can write will bring you comfort. But please know that I am thinking of you and your family. Big hugs from across the ocean. Take Care of yourself this holiday season.

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  25. I agree,he had your families love and peace at the end.My thoughts are with you,I lost my only brother and sibling 19 years ago just after New years Day and I still grieve.

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  26. Hugs Jejune. Big, big hugs.
    xo

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  27. Hugs, Jejune. May 2008 be brighter on many fronts. You have lots of loving support out here in the big wide world.
    ~Stacie

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  28. I am so sad to read that your brother has died. No death is easy, no matter how prepared you are, you are never ready for the 'goneness'. I know you will always remember Tim.

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